Sunday, May 22, 2011

Nats Lose, Shark Prevents Rapture

The Nationals fell against the Orioles today, managing only 1 RBI in the 8-3 shellacking.  The Orioles seemed to have learned a lesson from yesterday's game as only 2 of their 14 hits were towards center field.  Clearly afraid of the Shark, they followed the Pirates example and avoided him at all cost.

The Shark, meanwhile, went 0 for 4, but clearly had a lot on his mind.  According to some, the world was supposed to end today.  Despite the fact that Roger Bernadina had a game to play, he wasn't going to let that happen.  Between every half inning, Bernadina was seen hurriedly exiting the clubhouse to prevent several world disasters.
  • Between the 1st and the 2nd, he swam to the center of the earth, and pulled two slipping tectonic plates back together
  • During the 4th inning, he threw a whale at a fast approaching meteor in order to throw it off its collision course with earth.
  • In the 5th, the Shark swallowed trillions of gallons of water, preventing a flood in the Ukraine
  • While fans sang "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch, Bernadina stole all nuclear capabilities from North Korea.
  • Finally, just before the top of the 9th, the Shark tossed a bunch of Phillies fans into a pit.
So next time you try and judge the Shark, just remember that he saved the world today. Hopefully, he'll save the Nats tomorrow.

More to come.

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