Thursday, April 28, 2011


In an unexpected turn of events, Roger "The Shark" Bernadina was optioned back to AAA today and the entire Atlantic Ocean went crazy.  Thousands of sharks, squids, and whales formed a blockade along the eastern seaboard, wreaking major havoc in the shipping lanes.  Reports of ravaged boats turning up on the beach with "PROMOTE THE SHARK" and "BIG MISTAKE" scrawled on the side, are coming in rapidly.  So far there have been no known casualties but several hundred remain missing.

Photograph of attacked vessel
- Said a basking shark who asked to remain anonymous, "If The Shark ain't back with the Nats soon, this sh**k is gonna get real!"

- An elder walrus, named Herbert, arfed, "They kept Stairs? What the f**h?!  He's older than Poseidon himself.  I watched him cross the Atlantic with Columbus. Come on!!"

- One sad little seahorse holding an autographed Bernadina baseball cried, "Why would they do that to my hero?"

The US Coast Guard has responded but have so far had very limited success...
I don't know why they thought this would work
Admiral Anidan of the USS National has been quoted saying, "Never in history has there been a battle between humans and nature as epic as this.  To be honest, I'm scared to death.  They've taken out three of our Carriers."  Huge Shark fan Barack Obama has already sent a plea to the Nationals organization, but has heard nothing back.

I can only hope for the world's sake that the Nationals recall Roger Bernadina soon.  In this already stricken economy, nobody needs or wants to deal with an ocean full of furious fish.  Nationals, do the right thing.  Promote the Shark!

More to come.


  1. Keep up the good work guys, the Shark will return soon enough! Continue living every week like it's Shark Week.

  2. boy this shit is stupid