Thursday, April 7, 2011

Nationals "Shark Up," Feast on Marlins

Victorious!  This morning, I predicted that the Nationals would feast on Marlin blood during tonight's game.  Turns out, I predicted correctly (probably will never happen again)!  It took 11 innings, but the Nationals (shockingly, still without the Shark), defeated the Marlins 5-3.  Immediately after the game, several Nationals players, led by Todd Coffey were seen tearing open Florida's Wes Helms and dipping into him with a ladle (untrue). Not really, but they did go fishing, catch a marlin, and drink it's sweet apple-juice blood (still untrue).

A lot of credit for the win goes to the Nationals bullpen and their 6 scoreless innings.  However, when congratulated after the game, the bullpen quickly passed all the credit to Roger Bernadina.  Apparently, they all injected the Shark's sweat directly into their brachial artery before the game giving them the strength needed to win.  John Lannan refused to "shark up" and gave up 3 runs...

Very little credit goes to the outfield combo of Nix and AnKiel.  AnKiel actually raised his batting average up to .158 with a 1 for 4 performance (but it is no surprise that he also struck out).  Laynce Nix, starting in left, went 0 for 2 with an error (Note: sharks do not make errors). Unable to watch the game myself, I was left with MLB Gameday (which falsely represents the number of fans at Sun Life Stadium) and updates from TyInDC.  According to him, "Nix and Ankiel [dropped] everything in the OF tonight." Since they aren't sharks, I don't doubt that for a minute.

Finally, as mentioned yesterday, the Syracuse Chiefs kicked off their 2011 season!  Shockingly, Roger Bernadina did not play. WHAAAAAAAATT??  Some reports have stated that he will miss a few games due to family issues.  If that is the case, I hope everything is okay.  Other theories have Bernadina house shopping in Onondaga Lake, traveling, because he's been called up to the Nationals (I wish), or devouring Somali pirates.  The most likely scenario, however, is that the Buffalo Bisons took a page out of Gloria James' book and ambushed, beat, and locked up the Shark before the game.  Fearful of his skills, the Bisons' manager did everything he could to prevent the Shark from playing.  It didn't have it's desired affect, fortunately, as the Chiefs beat the Bisons 8-4.  Hopefully Bernadina will be back playing soon.

More to come.


  1. Great stuff as always. One day you're going to have conduct a Photoshop seminar or something.

    Of course, I have my own theory. BOOMER WHITING put the whammy on him to maintain his ownership of the leadoff spot for the Chiefs.

  2. The Shark is just circling in the murky AAA waters to lure opponents into a vulnerable state of complacency...