Friday, April 15, 2011

Jumpin Zac Flash vs Phillies Fans

Going to my first National's game:

It's obvious that the Phillies take fanaticism to a scary level (Phillies fan pukes on little girl, ring a bell?).  They've bewitched their fans to be mystical black magic creatures of evil (including their manners and overall appearances).  Here are some examples of these Phillies fan-creatures that I encountered at the game...

The Booing troll who, although a Phillies fan, is obviously a reject from the cast of Jersey Shore (she lives under the pier, probably) and sneak attacks with the opposite of sober-cutesy-boo on the escalator coming up at Navy Yard.  Had anyone been weak at heart, they would have had to fight the mob to turn around in order to escape - we stayed strong

The Siren PYT is a deadly, yet daft, opponent, whose loud screeching "Hiiiiiiii" to the kind Ushers is enough to distract any player and create massive amounts of strikes.  Her one redeeming quality was her drunken compliment of the Shark hood, but her failed realization that a long sweater doesn't make a dress, but rather makes her an honest representation of a Phillies fan.

Last, but NOT least - the Phillies fan who drunkenly wants to argue about my fanaticism toward the RiverSharks (or lack thereof) whilst I am relieving myself at a urinal.

These are not creatures found in nature, but instead caused by massive amounts of fanatic voodoo.  

The lack of contact, much to Jodie Foster's disappointment, throughout the game is credited exclusively to the cat-calls from the Werthless, ill-tempered, fans in the outfield.

We can only hope that the Shark's ability to hit a homer, catch a plane, drop/parachute, land on the field in a full sprint will become a REALITY... soon

 - Flash

More to come.

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