Wednesday, February 23, 2011

SHARK FACTS

We've all seen the so called "facts about Chuck Norris," like how he brushes his teeth with a straight razor and how he is Darth Vader's father, etc.  For a few days in 2005, these "facts" were widely assumed to be the single greatest achievement by an American in the past century.  Since then, there have been spin offs, including "facts about Cole Hamels" when the Phillies were heading to the World Series, and "facts about Cliff Lee" (not as flattering).  The gist of these facts is that the person is God's gift to earth, he has super human strength/abilities, and he is the reason for all happenings in history.  We get it, you have a huge fan crush on the person. Great...

That said, below is a list of shark specific facts about Roger Bernadina
  1. Sharks don't sleep.  Bernadina is no different.  When everyone else goes to bed, he swims a lap around the earth.
  2. Shark attacks are on the rise globally.  When Bernadina arrived at Spring Training, they immediatly dropped to zero.
  3. Conversely, over 100 million sharks are killed each year.  It's what they get for treading on Bernadina's turf.
  4. Garry Marshall had to get Bernadina's approval before they could air Fonzie using water skis to jump the shark on Happy Days.
  5. Sharks don't have a single bone in their body.  Roger Bernadina's "broken ankle" in 2009 was all a ploy so he could be involved in the filming of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week.  Mike Rizzo was too scared to say no.
  6. Whale Sharks grow to 45 feet long and weigh 30,000 lbs.  Every morning, Bernadina stacks three of them to do bench presses with.
  7. For most sharks, two-thirds of its brain is devoted to sense of smell.  For Bernadina, 100% of his brain is devoted to kicking ass in baseball.
  8. As the deepest diver, the Portuguese Shark can dive over a mile and a half under water.  When it gets there, Bernadina puts it in a headlock and carries to the center of the earth.
  9. Some sharks are strong enough to bite through steel. Roger Bernadina can bite through all of Pittsburgh
  10. Roger Bernadina can breathe under water.

More to come.

2 comments: