Monday, February 28, 2011

A Very Sharkadelic Debut

While spring has sprung for most of baseball already, the Washington Nationals appear to be late bloomers, as they didn't play their first spring training game until today.  That said, the Nationals didn't restrain from blossoming  against the New York Mets.  In an overwhelming victory, Washington beat New York 9-3 in front of 3,400 fans.

Of course, the question on everyone's mind is, "How did The Shark do?"

The answer, "Pretty damn good!"

Roger "The Shark" Bernadina, went 2 for 2, with two singles and a walk in his 2011 Spring Training debut.  He also tossed in an RBI (on a smoked single to right) and a stolen base to make his sunshine stats shine a little brighter. You can't argue with a smooth 1.000 batting average.

Unfortunately.... Mako Morse, the Shark's chief rival for the left field job went 3 for 5, with 2 home runs and 4 RBIs.

Fear not, Shark fans.  Spring is still young and a lot more baseball is to be played before Opening Day.  Also, if Mike Morse had the best day for the Nationals, then Shark arguably had the second best.  The Shark can still hit his way into the starting lineup, whether in left field or center field.

More to come.

Saturday, February 26, 2011


Raise your voices, Shark fans!

There has been recent speculation about Bernadina starting the year in the minors.  This is fueled by a recent Adam Kilgore article about the outfield competition (My more detailed opinions on the article are in the comments section of this post). LET SHARK PLAY

While this wouldn't ruin everything, this would be a major damper on the campaign to get Roger "The Shark" Bernadina the recognition he deserves.  Shark fans, I need your help!  Just as Rocky Balboa is seen doing above, let your angelic voices be heard.  Chant the phrase, "Let Shark Play!"  It is simple, to the point, and well, simple.

Whether you are walking down the street, waiting to check out at the grocery store, or alone in your cell, start chanting, "Let Shark Play, Let Shark Play!"  Just like the cliche "slow clap," you will surely start a trend which will tear through society making it all the way to the Washington Nationals.  Don't let the Nats make the biggest mistake of any of our lives. LET SHARK PLAY

Winston knows what he's talking about.
More to come.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


We've all seen the so called "facts about Chuck Norris," like how he brushes his teeth with a straight razor and how he is Darth Vader's father, etc.  For a few days in 2005, these "facts" were widely assumed to be the single greatest achievement by an American in the past century.  Since then, there have been spin offs, including "facts about Cole Hamels" when the Phillies were heading to the World Series, and "facts about Cliff Lee" (not as flattering).  The gist of these facts is that the person is God's gift to earth, he has super human strength/abilities, and he is the reason for all happenings in history.  We get it, you have a huge fan crush on the person. Great...

That said, below is a list of shark specific facts about Roger Bernadina
  1. Sharks don't sleep.  Bernadina is no different.  When everyone else goes to bed, he swims a lap around the earth.
  2. Shark attacks are on the rise globally.  When Bernadina arrived at Spring Training, they immediatly dropped to zero.
  3. Conversely, over 100 million sharks are killed each year.  It's what they get for treading on Bernadina's turf.
  4. Garry Marshall had to get Bernadina's approval before they could air Fonzie using water skis to jump the shark on Happy Days.
  5. Sharks don't have a single bone in their body.  Roger Bernadina's "broken ankle" in 2009 was all a ploy so he could be involved in the filming of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week.  Mike Rizzo was too scared to say no.
  6. Whale Sharks grow to 45 feet long and weigh 30,000 lbs.  Every morning, Bernadina stacks three of them to do bench presses with.
  7. For most sharks, two-thirds of its brain is devoted to sense of smell.  For Bernadina, 100% of his brain is devoted to kicking ass in baseball.
  8. As the deepest diver, the Portuguese Shark can dive over a mile and a half under water.  When it gets there, Bernadina puts it in a headlock and carries to the center of the earth.
  9. Some sharks are strong enough to bite through steel. Roger Bernadina can bite through all of Pittsburgh
  10. Roger Bernadina can breathe under water.

More to come.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Quoth the Shark...

"Did anyone watch the Superbowl?" asked Alex Rodriguez in front of an audience or reporters at spring training this morning. "Great game." BOOM! All of a sudden, the crowd went wild. The reaction could not be contained. People were chuckling, yolking, snorting, gasping, giggling, and even laughing at A-Rod's knee-slappingly, side-splittingly, Don-Mattingly, sheer-comedic-genius of a comment. A-Rod was of course referring to being fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz (apparently she is indentured to him, or something?) on national television.

First of all, lame.  Second-of-ly, how come I'm not reading about Roger "The Shark" Bernadina causing a group of adults to go into near cardiac arrest from laughing so hard.

Some of you may be saying, "Well, sharks don't ever speak, that's why. A great deal of the communication though among sharks involves aggression. They will fight each other not for territory but for prey. One shark may kill something but many others are going to take the opportunity to get a piece of it. This is why most sharks won't kill something larger than they can immediately swallow unless they have no other choice."
To this, I reply "Roger Bernadina is a human. You do know that right?"

Anyway, below are some press conference openers for The Shark. Use them, Bernie.
  • "Did anyone watch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel last summer? If so, do you still have it on TiVo.  I missed like half of it."  
  • Bernadina: I only watched Inception once and I completely understood all of it
    • Reporter 1: Surely, you can't be serious!
  • Bernadina: I am, and don't call me SHARKLY! (Roger points at reporter and winks. Knee slapping ensues)
  • "Shoot for the moon over the ocean. That way, if you miss, you will land amongst the sharks."
  •  "I am so sorry to interrupt, Mr. Rodriguez, but your car is waiting out front"
Hopefully, when the opportunity arises, Roger Bernadina will be ready

More to come.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


The opposing team has the same reaction when Roger Bernadina runs out of the dugout to start the game.


More to come.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Sharks Eat Fish

What's with the Los Angeles Angels and baseball players with fish names?  Mike Trout is ranked as one of the top prospects in baseball, and Tim Salmon helped the Angels win the World Series in 2002.

Well guess what....

More to come.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Sharks Don't Drink and Drive!

Why would you be such a fool, Miguel Cabrera?  A lesson to you kids: drinking and driving is never a good idea.

I'm going to keep this blog brief and to the point.

Sharks don't drink and drive!

Well, most sharks don't drive at all, and actually, because I haven't seen anything to prove me otherwise, neither does Roger Bernadina.  In preparation for the new season, Bernadina vowed to run everywhere (and swim, where applicable).  The idea is for his legs to match his biceps.  A local photographer caught this image of Bernadina running through a busy Florida street to get to Spring Training camp.

Need more proof?  Google maps caught him on camera as well.

Safety is important to the Shark.  You'll also note he always wears his helmet.

More to come.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Within 24 hours of my previous post, Roger Bernadina arrived at the Washington Nationals Spring Training Camp.  All I can say is best case scenario (see previous post). THE SHARK IS HUGE!  Apparently, Bernie has been working out like crazy this offseason (twice a day, six times a week), and has added on 10 pounds of muscle.  Look at this picture.
His left arm is the same size as my head!  The man is gigantic.  I think this is wonderful news for all of those Shark fans who were worried if he would show up ready to win the LF job.  I'm personally feeling giddy about this.

More good news, Bernadina fits in better with the Street Sharks from the 90's kids show.

Except Bernadina might be even more ripped.

More to come.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Where are you, Shark?

Spring Training is finally upon us and baseball fans can rejoice that the season is going to start in just a few short weeks.  The question on everyone's mind is: Where is Roger Bernadina?  Sure, at this point only a handful of position players have arrived at the Nationals camp but with this spring being a  defining moment for the shark's career, we all want to know: Where are you, Shark?

Best case scenario: Roger Bernadina is beefing up for the long spring. "As a group, sharks eat almost anything: fishes, crustaceans, molluscs, marine mammals, and other sharks" In layman's terms, "Protein." Bernadina is going to show up to camp armed to the gills (pun intended).  Picture Cecil Fielder mixed with Pablo Sandoval and then imagine the direct opposite of that.  He'll be ripped and ready to win the starting LF position.

Worst case scenario: Roger Bernadina shows up late and is covered with what looks to be hickies (we all really know what caused it). He's tired, weak, and out of shape.  He ends up spending more time crying as he tear chunks of meat off a steak than practicing.

My personal opinion?  The Shark is going to arrive in camp any day now (and trust me, I will post about it) and he's going to be ready for the OF position battle.  Ideally he will say something like "I'm in the best shape of my life" because that would really give me hope.

It would also make me feel better about $500 dollars I just dropped on my new tattoo.

More to come.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Roger Bernadina's Movies

We all know that Roger Bernadina is an awesome baseball player, but did you know about his illustrious film career?  Below are some movie posters from films "The Shark" has appeared in.

Cult Classics

Duhn duhn...duhn duhn...duhn duhn...

Still 'duhn duhn'ing...


All-star cast. All-star left fielder

SyFy Originals

My money's on 'The Shark'

This one just looks weird...

Know of other movies in which 'The Shark" has appeared?  Leave me a comment and let me know.

More to come.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Fantasy Baseball Overview: Roger Bernadina

Now that the Super Bowl is over, there is a long wait until Opening Day of the MLB (Sure, there is March Madness, but for me, it's baseball or bust).  And with the new baseball season comes the new Fantasy Baseball season (I was the runner-up in both my leagues last year so now it's time to move up in the standings).  Because this is a Roger Bernadina blog, I will focus only on him, and I'll keep it short.

Currently, ranks "The Shark" as the 124th best outfielder going into 2011.  This is absurd and I have lost complete faith in's rankings because of this... 
A look:

Jerry Hairston and his .244-53-10-50-9 (2010 stats) line is ranked 111th.  He's old (35 in May) and he's competing with the Shark and Mike Morse for the same outfield spot!  Also, in the past 3 years, he has increased At Bats per season, and his offensive output has decreased.  Bad trend Jerry.

Skip Schumaker (.265-66-5-42-5) is ranked 97th.   He is another case of decreasing offensive output, and he plays for the ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!  I feel like playing for a good team should automatically boost your stats but Schumaker seems to be an exception.

Finally, Coco Crisp (of cereal infamy) is ranked 64th.  With a 2010 line of .279-51-8-38-32, he did have a better average and more stolen bases than the shark, but he is getting old and has had some serious injury issues since leaving Cleveland.

Mark my words, Roger "The Shark" Bernadina will out perform these 3 players in 2011.  I'm not going to say that he will be a top 10 Fantasy outfielder this year, but if he gets the playing time, I wouldn't be surprised if he breaks the Top 75 or even Top 50.

The Shark is a 2011 Fantasy sleeper.  Keep that in mind during your draft.

More to come.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Shark Heads

The original shark costumes (made by our good friend Brooke. Shout out), were designed and used for a play performed by children (I think it was called Pirate Kids and the Search for Long John's Silver or something like that). Since most of us don't have time to construct full body shark outfits, here are some ideas for some shark headgear to support Roger "The Shark" Bernadina.  Fun and simple ways to support The Shark while sacrificing your pride.

Shark Attack! Your head is the ball and Bernadina is gonna catch it.  You don't have to look happy wearing it either, especially if you vaguely look like an angry version of my cousin-in-law...

Apparently, you have to be a ghost to wear this one, but the giant fish eyes make it worth it.

One for the kids.  Clearly homemade, the shark eating this poor child.  Probably the most realistic looking shark out of the bunch, though.

I think this one is really cute, but it really doesn't instill fear in the heart of Bernadina's opponents.  Still, the bright blue is a nice change of pace from the drab grays seen above

For the tiny ones!  Also, as a warning, pictures you post of your baby online can be found on Google and placed in random blogs like this one.

 Shark fin attached to a headband.  Fun for baseball games or just to keep your hair back.

One of my personal favorites.  Not only is it a shark but it has the Nationals logo on it.  Apparently, it is supposed to look like one of those intimidating WWII planes, but I think the Nationals organization is just to proud to admit that it digs the shark nickname.

This is another one of the original hoods as sported by Julia.  Easily the coolest of the headgear.  The lower jaw is my favorite part as it really brings the whole costume together.

Headgear is as fashionable as it is practical.  Go Shark!

More to come.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Just how great is Roger "The Shark" Bernadina?

My blog has recently been exploding with inquiries about Bernadina (Completely a lie.  No one reads this blog).
  1. He hasn't even played a full season, how can you tell he's good?
  2. How good is Bernadina compared to the rest of the team?
  3. Who would win in a fight; Roger Bernadina or a Great White Shark?
Well, I've done some research and here is what I came up with...

In 2010, Roger Bernadina had 414 At Bats (AB) (note: this excludes stats BB, SH, SF, HBP)
His stat line is as follows:  .246 Batting Average (avg), 52 Runs (R), 11 Home Runs (HR), 47 Runs Batted In (RBI), and 16 Stolen Bases (SB)

Those stats projected...
  • Over a full season of 600 AB: .246 Avg, 75 R, 16 HR, 68 RBI, 23 SB
    • (2x All Star Bobby Abreu's first full season stats:  .312 Avg, 68 R, 17 HR, 74 RBI, 19 SB)
  • Over 1000 AB: .246 Avg, 126 R, 27 HR, 113 RBI, 39 SB
    • (Please note: To reach these numbers, Bernadina would have to average more than 6 official ABs per game) 

Now lets compare Roger Bernadina's stats to the 2010 Washington Nationals...
  • Over 5418 AB, the Washington Nationals hit: .250 Avg, 655 R, 149 HR, 634 RBI, 110 SB
  • Bernadina's projected stats over 5418 AB: .246 Avg, 680 R, 143 HR, 615 RBI, 209 SB
As you can see, the 2010 Washington Nationals have the slight edge in Average, Home Runs, and RBIs, but The Shark has a substantial edge in Runs, and Stolen Bases. So there you have it, Roger Bernadina was as good or better than the average Nationals baseball player.  Assuming he continues to get better (he had 52x more runs in 2010 than 2009, and 102x more hits...imagine if this trend continues....), we can expect Bernadina to dominate the National League in 2011.  Shark Attack!

Also, Roger Bernadina would defeat a Great White Shark by KO in 3 rounds.

More to come.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Call To All Roger Bernadina Fans

By this time, we all know about Roger "The Shark" Bernadina. The problem is that we (the readers of this blog, which might just be 1 person) are not enough. 'We' need to get 'them'(the rest of the world) to know all about the shark as well. How do we do this? Simple, jump on every opportunity to promote the shark. Nats games are fun and a relatively cheap form of entertainment during the summer. Whenever you go to a game, wear some kind of shark related apparel or accessory. This can be as small as a shark temporary tattoo or as large as a full body shark suit that is so impossible to move in that someone has to push you around in a wheelchair as you slowly pass out from heat exhaustion. We all need to do what we can to get Bernadina national recognition.

To quote a famous top-hatted and bearded fellow, "Four score and seven years ago..."
Wrong fellow, "[The Shark] Needs You!"

Lets make this year, "The Intimidating Time Period of the Carnivorous Fish/Nationals Baseball Player" or maybe something more simple.

More to come.


There are a ton of sharks out there, but Roger Bernadina is by far the most ferocious.  You need proof?

Angel Shark: Christopher Lloyd with fins
Basking Shark: The only thing they should bask in is Bernie's glory
Blacktip Reef Shark: Way too specific of a name for an animal.
Blue Shark: Way too generic of a name
Bull Shark: Cross breeding different classes of animals is dangerous and disgusting
Cookiecutter Shark: Really?
Goblin Shark: Too much D&D
Great White Shark: Kick ass and most similar to Bernadina
Hammerhead Shark:  Josh Willingham was traded... DON'T CARE!
Mako Shark: If this type of shark wasn't so obscure, maybe Mike Morse could have been something.
Sandtiger Shark: Uses its color to hide, probably a pushover
Spiny Dogfish Shark:  What did I say about crossbreeding?
Thresher Shark: Bernadina won't be on the threshold of unknown for long
Whale Shark: Just a confused fish
Roger Bernadina: One bad ass, rock star, hero of a Nationals outfielder

Roger Bernadina is going to be huge this year.

More to come.